Sad and Beautiful World (Original Blog 2004-2008)

Some of the news that may or may not be fit to print

Happy Halloween!

I know TWO people who have a Halloween birthday today. So Happy Birthday to Uncle Steve and my friend Catherine!

This is going to be a newsy post, so bring on the bullet points!

• As a favor to a woman who has become a dear friend, I will be volunteering my time and talent to take team photos at the Alzheimer’s Association Memory Walk tomorrow morning in Philadelphia. I’m nervous!

• This did provide me with the kick in the ass I needed to get back to work on setting up the new site and blog because it is pathetic I will not have real business cards to hand out on Saturday morning.

• The new site/blog is coming along and the fabulous Aitch is coming up with a design and masthead (she’s designed many of the blogs you love to read including previous incarnations of this one and the last I-don’t-remember-how-many of Cecily’s).

• I hope to have the new site launched by the end of next week!!! I might be being a tad optimistic, but what the hell. ;-)

• Long-time readers of this little blog might remember when my husband Pete had a blog for about a millisecond. Everyone loved it because his writing is wonderful, but he didn’t like obsessing over the stats (I forgot to warn him that comes with the territory). Well, he’s always written, and he goes in spurts of creativity during which he really enjoys it, then goes for long dry spells where he’s convinced it is all crap.

• I was invited to join a new site called RedGage (still in beta) where you get money per click on your content (a penny for every 10 clicks, actually). I invited him after he mentioned he was thinking of putting the diaries he wrote while moving to Corfu (back in 1999) onto a similar site. He has begun posting them at RedGage and people really enjoy them. I’d love for you to read along, not just because each click will make us closer to a penny, but also because these are a good read. They begin with this entry and so far there are 26. He will be continually adding to it for a long time to come.

• Also related to Pete and his writing? He has decided to join NaNoWriMo and I’m really proud and excited that he’s going to try this. I want him to have lots and lots of encouragement. So if any of you are doing this, please ‘buddy’ him. If you aren’t doing it (like me), then just follow along and we’ll have to find out if there is a way to post comments and encouraging words w/o being a novelist. We can all watch his progress on his profile page and if he starts slacking, I’ll start giving out his email address. Heh.


• I am now a member of the "Beta Squad" on RedGage, so if anyone is interested in trying out the site for themselves and would like an invite, let me know and I'll hook you up!

I think that is all for now. I’m looking forward to voting and to this election being a done deal, as I’m sure we all are. Whatever you think, whomever you prefer, GO OUT AND VOTE! I believe it is our civic duty. I sympathize with those who don’t feel either candidate represents them, but I really believe you can still choose the one who is the closer to what you can live with. Sitting out shouldn't be an option.

Jack O'Hope

From deeper pools of sorrow...

It has been four years since the beginning of the end.

RIP Nicholas and Zachary

I will always miss you.

Hope

I know I should probably not write about politics. I am certainly not the most eloquent person to do so, nor the most intelligent. I’m no expert. I am simply an American citizen whose first remembered experiences as a child are my mother cursing (she never curses) at the television during the Watergate hearings and images on the news from Vietnam. I’m a girl who looked at Jimmy Carter as a grandpa and saw an actor become President just as I hit the age of disillusionment (I hit it early at 11 years old).

Yes, I loved Bill Clinton. I still do, dammit. I said it then and I’ll say it now: Just because I might be disappointed in how he behaved with the whole Monica Lewinsky fiasco, doesn’t translate to making him a bad President. It doesn’t take too much digging to unearth ugly truths about each and every politician (hell, each and every human). The attack was ridiculous and unrelenting and a distraction. He handled it badly. Our country was doing well, however. “The U.S. enjoyed more peace and economic well being than at any time in its history. He was the first Democratic president since Franklin D. Roosevelt to win a second term. He could point to the lowest unemployment rate in modern times, the lowest inflation in 30 years, the highest home ownership in the country's history, dropping crime rates in many places, and reduced welfare rolls. He proposed the first balanced budget in decades and achieved a budget surplus.” (Source: Whitehouse.gov)

It felt like we were not going into a place without humanitarian reasons…a breath of fresh air after the first Gulf War. And then we got George W. in 2000, in what I can only call a travesty of justice and a joke of an election. I already know that many disagree, so you don’t have to argue that. We’ll just disagree.

I watched the events of 9/11 unfold in horror with everyone else, no matter what your political leanings were. I will shed tears any time I think about that day for the rest of my life. But then I watched in utter disbelief as I saw that day be used as justification for political gain and for entering a war that had nothing to do with it. I saw fellow Americans use it as justification for bigotry and racism, for brutal attacks on their brothers and sisters. I saw anyone who questioned what was happening be accused of being unpatriotic or worse, un-American. I’m still seeing that shit. Questioning the government and our right to do so is one of the most American things a person can do!

So here’s the thing. In 2004 when Bush was elected again I couldn’t believe it. I was devastated, in fact, that I lived in a country that still believed in this man to do what was best for all of us. I dug my heels in and put my head down and moved forward. I had a wedding to plan and a new life to begin. I put my head down and my blinders on. It was easier that way.

But. In 2004 before the election, when watching the Democratic National Convention, I had one last glimmer of hope—one moment of brightness and a time for my heart to swell: a moment of believing. That moment was listening to Senator Barack Obama deliver the keynote address. I was one of those people who whispered during the thunderous applause, “I wish he were running for President.” And then I dismissed it because how could that ever happen in this country?

And then it happened. I watched the primaries and was swept away in the simple amazement that it had come down to a white woman and a black man for the Democratic primary: That this was happening in my lifetime; that my daughter could see this happening. I cried tears of joy! I became more familiar with the candidates and thought about what I liked and didn’t like about each, and Obama once again inspired me.  I was inspired by his vision and his determination; by his hope and his plans. I’m a cynic with an idealistic heart—that’s what it says on my tagline. I don’t usually believe people, and certainly not a politician, but I believe him. I not only believe Barack Obama, I believe in what he’s shown: that he can bring people together. That is something this country desperately needs. I also believe that electing Barack Obama as President will change the world’s opinion of us instantly and I believe that is a priceless commodity.

I’m scared now not of the election but rather, for his life. I’m scared of the hateful racist extremists that sprinkle our own population. I believe Barack Obama can help heal this country and I want him to have the chance to do it. Do I think he can do it in just 4 years? No, but think he can make a good start, and I’m expecting him to make me proud enough to want to vote for him again in 2012.

Have I bought hype? No, I’ve bought HOPE.  “Hope” is what makes us human. It is what gets me through another day…sometimes it is all that gets me through another day. “Hope” is valuable and precious and can be hard to find. I’ve never had it in politics before. It feels good.

(I'm not looking to convince anyone of anything here. I'm just expressing my feelings about this election. Take it or leave it).

Here is that 2004 speech, following a few excerpts from the transcript:

“In the end, that's what this election is about. Do we participate in a politics of cynicism, or do we participate in a politics of hope?

… I'm not talking about blind optimism here, the almost willful ignorance that thinks unemployment will go away if we just don't think about it, or health care crisis will solve itself if we just ignore it.

That's not what I'm talking. I'm talking about something more substantial. It's the hope of slaves sitting around a fire singing freedom songs; the hope of immigrants setting out for distant shores; the hope of a young naval lieutenant bravely patrolling the Mekong Delta; the hope of a millworker's son who dares to defy the odds; the hope of a skinny kid with a funny name who believes that America has a place for him, too.”

“I believe that we have a righteous wind at our backs, and that as we stand on the crossroads of history, we can make the right choices and meet the challenges that face us.”

A "Woman's Health"

I watched the third and final Presidential Debate last night, as I’ve watched each of the debates…with my friends on Twitter, of course.

The first debate I was enjoying the ride and amusing myself with fellow like-minded Twitter-ers and trying to make people laugh. I had fun.

The VP debate was even more fun, but not as much of a train wreck as I had hoped. I also got sidetracked with responses to my Tweets on Facebook that turned into an actual conversation (albeit online).

The second debate I watched, but was bored. I was growing tired and I did not want to feed into my own rage or that of others. I wanted to stop being petty and try and listen. I got tired of hearing both candidates.

Then there was last night. Earlier in the day I thought about not watching it, but knew I just couldn’t look away. The twisted side of my personality had been hoping for McCain to rear his ugly temper on the air, but I was actually feeling some sympathy and a kernel of respect I used to have for him come back due to behavior over the past week…stopping the woman from calling Obama an Arab and then getting booed by his own supporters when he said Obama as President wasn’t to be feared.

Even knowing it was all contrived, I wanted to believe the best of him because you know what? As cynical as I can be and as angry as I can get, when things make no sense to me and people treat each other badly on ANY level…it breaks my heart. There is a constant ache inside me from this world we live in, you understand? Constant. I cling to moments of kindness when I see them, and I want to believe them.

Then there was last night.

McCain came across as so angry and smug…his smirk drove me to distraction. He scoffed when Obama was speaking—sometimes audibly! —Something I found extremely disrespectful. Still, I tried to be fair. I tried to recognize when Obama was merely talking spin. I saw he didn’t always answer the questions (so so frustrating from anyone). True, I have had no plans to vote for the McCain, but I wanted to stop feeling angry. Last night made me angrier than ever, unfortunately.

I’m not a one-issue voter, but there is one issue that I am more passionate about than any other, and that is a woman’s right to choose. I was strongly pro-choice already, but after my best friend almost died 4 years ago when she lost her twin boys due to severe preeclampsia, it became personal. The “partial birth abortion” ban that was later passed would have meant certain death for Cecily in her situation BECAUSE there is NO EXCEPTION FOR THE HEALTH OF THE MOTHER.

This performance, right here, was unforgivable:

If you haven’t read Cecily’s open letter to Senator John McCain, please go read it now.

P.S. When did having "eloquence" become a flaw??

The New Please Touch Museum: Bigger and Better!

Last week a very savvy and cool and amazing woman who not only writes a mean blog but just so happens to be my very best friend invited me to take up a press pass as a Mom-who-blogs and go check out the press preview of the new and improved Please Touch Museum.

I baby sit 4 days a week for a close friend’s daughter who is 11 months old, so I brought her (my daughter is 12 and was at school, but I’ll likely bring her another time). The Please Touch Museum opened in 1976 as the first museum in the nation designed for children ages 7 and under. I remember going there when I was 7 or 8 and possibly older. We were not only allowed to touch things, but encouraged to do so.

But it was small. When my daughter was younger I took her a couple of times, but parking was always a frustration in the center city location, and if it was a rainy day the crowd inside was claustrophobia inducing.

All that has changed with this fantastic move to Memorial Hall. Built as the art gallery for the 1876 Centennial Exhibition, it has languished over the years of the 20th and now 21st century as a landmark with no real function. The Please Touch Museum raised $88 million for construction, exhibit design and fabrication, and moving cost, and it was money well spent.

Entering the main hall is breathtaking as you look up 59 feet to the 150-foot dome! After noting the 40-foot interpretation of the Statue of Liberty’s Arm and Torch made out of toys and found objects (by local artist Leo Sewell), the only problem you face is which way to go first.

The museum utilizes 38,000 square feet of space for exhibits. Many of the favorites from the original site have been moved and expanded upon, and then there are plenty of new ones. I know I loved it and I’m certain my 12-year-old daughter would have enjoyed it even though she is technically above the targeted age group. The downstairs town with the grocery store and a McDonald’s, a shoe store filled with lots of shoes and a Children’s Hospital with rows of cribs and baby dolls was impressive, and the construction zone seemed to be very popular too!

My only complaint with any of it was just after I was told by a staff member that the “front porch” area was for children under 3, I brought my charge in there and she immediately hurt herself on one of the toys! It was a plastic lawnmower with a push handle that does not lock. The little sweetie tried to push it and the handle moved forward and she went right over the top of it onto her face. ☹ She was most offended and we lodged a complaint right away. So I am hoping those mowers are either no longer there, or have had their handles locked into place if that is possible.

The transportation area has the front quarter of a SEPTA bus, a car, and part of the original John Wanamaker Rocket Express monorail, all in a city setting with a city park and an interactive mural. The Flight Fantasy area is something that will appeal to the older end of the spectrum, I think. I know I was into it! The best part is a high-ceilinged room at one end with the “Flying Machine”. Kids put together foam pieces into a plane or flying machine of whatever design they wish, then hook it onto a pulley contraption that has a handle to crank. You raise your machine up and up and up to the very top, where it gets knocked off its hook and comes floating (or soaring or catapulting) down to the bottom again. This area of the museum reminded me of my favorite things about the Franklin Institute, its old neighbor.

I can’t possibly list all the exhibits here. It would take too long and I didn’t even get a chance to see all of them! The 11-month old liked the rubber duckies of the river adventure area the very best—she wanted me to let you know. She absolutely freaked over the restored 100-year old carousel in its own huge room, but was a bit nervous once we were on it.

I was impressed with the kindness of the staff (though, what a fabulous job, right?) and just the absolute abundance of space and color and delight to be found there. They also have rental opportunities for parties and receptions and even meetings. I was very glad to see a huge exhibit honoring the history of the building, including a very large-scale model of the entire Centennial Exhibition.

Anyone with kids under 10 who live in the area, or close enough to come for a day, should get a membership. With a membership (only $130 a year for a family of four!), entry is free as is the parking. Without, the fees are still incredibly reasonable to park in their enormous (250 spaces) parking lot ($5.00) and to enter the museum for the day ($15 for an adult). The three levels of membership give additional benefits that you can explore on their website, and learn what more they have to offer (birthday parties, catering, events, etc)!

The grand opening is THIS SATURDAY, October 18th!

*And yes, I realize this post should be full of photos, but I was babysitting and focused on that and completely forgot to bring my camera. D'oh! Also, I was at BlogHer DC Monday and it was great and I might even write about that soon. :-)

It's About Balance

(I know...I'm totally seriously no-fooling gonna blog for real here real soon)

Today I celebrate 13 years sober.

Life is nothing like what I thought it would be.

It is mostly better and sometimes worse. It is just like life, in other words, and I actually live it today instead of escaping it.

I started drinking and doing drugs right before turning 16 years old and it progressed from there until I hit bottom in 1995 at 26 years old. Pregnant and nobody knew it. Shooting heroin and cocaine. A fucking wreck, in other words. If you want to see how bad, check this out.

I became willing to get help, and help was showered upon me. I've tried to remain willing ever since, but sometimes I do get stubborn.

If you need help, you are not alone. The most amazing and miraculous thing I learned in recovery is that I am not alone--and I'm not just talking about others in recovery...I mean we are really not alone...none of us.

You are not alone.

Hi.