Getting Fit, Part 2

Sooooo, I guess once a week was ambitious as far as posting progress. Also, I have been very frustrated and struggling with pressing on.

It has been 23 days since I posted this shot and amazingly, I think I can see a little bit of improvement. Which makes me feel great because I was certain nothing had changed.

I've been eating far less than I had been and incorporating more dairy (lo-fat, of course) into my diet. I've been keeping up with the Pilates for the most part and trying to get in a walk or some other form of exercise each day. If I skip a day or two, I try not to get down on myself for it. I've tried mostly to be very kind to myself after the first week of practically starving, because that just made me miserable. So I allow myself a treat sometimes.

I was doing mostly okay with all of this, despite the fact that I was seeing no real difference on the scale each week at my parents' house (I don't own a scale). One day it was less, the next time it was more. "It will take time," I told myself. Keep going.

Then last weekend I went shopping with my mom and my daughter. My daughter and I each needed something cute to wear to the Art of the State opening tomorrow night.

What is it about spending time in a fitting room?? I was practically in tears by the time we got to store number three and was snapping at my mom and making horrible disparaging remarks about myself and my body. In front of my daughter. Unforgivable. I do not want to be that kind of example to her! And so I felt worse, because now I was a bad mom. Oy.

I tried to snap out of it. None of us found a dress. I took my daughter out by ourselves last night and tried on some more. I went two sizes bigger than I thought I was. And I still looked like shit in those. I tried really hard to keep my mouth shut this time. My daughter found a dress that blew me away...she looked at least 16 years old (she's 12) and absolutely gorgeous.

*That* made me cry. :-)

We are our own worst enemies, I know this. So I'm trying not to listen to the mean voices in my head. Their job is to be mean and my job is to learn how to shut them up and replace them with more supportive, positive voices (without going all Stuart Smiley). I'm trying to apply a principle I learned in recovery and clearly need a refresher: progress, not perfection. If I work on always making progress, I can succeed. If I try to be "perfect", there is no attaining that, and I will constantly be disappointed. Frustrated. Sad. Angry. Etc.

So I'll continue. I tried to get a cute skirt and top today and still found nothing, but surely I have something in my closet I can get into. I won't go naked (though I did consider it)!

Comments

[victoria]

There is a difference, for sure! Keep up the hard work (I know how hard it is, as I'm trying too)

[SCY]

I can definitley see a marked difference! Way to go Sarah!

[Jenn]

There is most definitely a difference! I am going through a similar 'journey' at the moment and was just at the point of giving up. Then I came here and saw what you had done in just a little over 3 weeks - amazing! You are an inspiration.

[delmer]

The funny thing about working out is that if I miss a few days past the regular schedule I have trouble being excited about getting back to it.

Fortunately, when I'm on schedule it troubles me just as much to miss days and I'm always excited about the upcoming night's workout or bike ride.

I think you're doing a great job.

(Oh. Sorry about the daughter growing up faster than you can believe. My boys are doing the same thing to me. Today I'm wearing a shirt that belongs to my oldest; he's 14.)

[Jennis]

There is definitely some improvement there! I can see you're getting stronger and fitter - if you look, your muscles are taking different shapes beneath your skin. That is probably the reason for the scale not telling you what you want to see - the chub is converting to muscle which is heavier!

I find I am too discouraged by looking at the scale so I measure myself by how my clothes fit. Find some comfortable clothes in the right size (bras, too - have you ever been fitted properly? That can help heaps) that are ultra flattering, and then put the too-small clothes away until you need them again. When your right-size clothes become too big, maybe treat yourself with new, smaller right-size clothes! :)

Anyway I am so proud of your accomplishments and from a fellow struggling woman, I am silently supporting you and cheering you on!!!

[Julie]

that is fantastic! you definitely look a lot better. keep up your great work--you will get there!

[Christy Marie]

You are such an inspiration to me. :)