Let Me Introduce You

Saturday I had the honor and pleasure of hosting Cecily’s baby shower. Many of my readers already knew this, as many of my readers came from Cecily in the first place.

But I want to introduce Cecily to those of you who don’t know her. I want to tell you a bit about her story, so that you can understand why hosting her baby shower was one of the proudest and beautiful moments of my life.

Cecily and I met one another back in 1991, when she and Charlie and her dog Misty came to my door one afternoon to visit my then-boyfriend. We were all writing poetry and they were hosting a weekly poetry reading at a local bar on Monday nights. They were looking for housemates and my boyfriend and I were looking for a place to live. We took the other bedroom and began what became a descent into alcoholism and drug addiction, and poetry.

Cecily and I weren’t close back then…my boyfriend didn’t care for her much and at that time I allowed him to dictate much of my behavior—who I hung out with, where I drank, what I did. Eventually that relationship became an inferno of lies, chaos, and agony, disintegrating to ashes. He moved out. Cecily and I bonded over drugs. She cared for me when I felt I had nobody to care for me. She became my friend.

When I went into rehab, she and Charlie visited me. When I said I couldn’t talk to them for a while, she let me go. They came to visit me and my newborn daughter after they too got sober, and didn’t crumble under the painful glare of my parents. She stayed in touch, lightly, and then quietly asked if I would come to their wedding when I had a year sober. I agreed, nervously, and the beginning of our real friendship was begun.

Through the last ten and a half years, our friendship has grown and changed and developed into the most precious gift. In recovery, the friendships created are described as being made like survivors of a shipwreck who share a lifeboat. The fact that Cecily, Charlie, and I literally went through hell together and came out the other side has bonded us in a way that nothing can touch. We GET one another even more than we get others in recovery. We all ‘know’ the pain people share about, but with each other, we were there. We saw it firsthand.

Over four years ago, Cecily and Charlie decided they were ready to start a family. Soon after, they discovered that this, like so many other things, would not come easily to them. They struggled through doctor’s appointments and blood-work, poking and prodding and questions.  They went through drug treatments and waiting. Then Cecily started her blog as a way to connect with other women struggling with infertility, and she opened up a whole world I didn’t understand. Then a miracle with their first IVF—she became pregnant with twin boys.

The pregnancy was not easy from the start. She was uncomfortable and exhausted and felt guilty about complaining at all because people were trying so hard to get to her point. She tried not to complain, but the bloating and fluid-retention and her blood pressure were making it very difficult.

And then tragedy struck at 22 weeks. I went with Cecily and Charlie to their regular ultrasound appointment that day, excited and eager to see the boys moving around—happy to be there with them. We had no way of knowing that things had already happened. After a long while of the tech saying nothing, the feeling that something might be wrong was slowly creeping up each of our spines. She got the doctor who told us that one of the boys was already dead. Our heads spun with it—what now?

Within 24 hours the worst had occurred. She was admitted into the hospital with preeclampsia and treated with medications. Her blood pressure was through the roof and her head was aching so badly that even morphine couldn’t put a dent into the pain. Her liver was starting to show signs of failure. There was no time…she was not responding to the medications. If the other baby didn’t come out, they would both die. Charlie and I were terrified of losing her. I had been posting on her blog at her request, to keep her readers updated of the nightmare as it unfolded. I had no blog of my own back then.

This was at the end of October, 2004. Their boys were gone, and they were left to pick up the pieces, to deal with the most unforgiving grief and to figure out how to move on.

At just about a year after losing the boys, Cecily and Charlie did another transfer with two of the embryos they still had frozen from her first retrieval—October 11^th, one week after my wedding.

She became pregnant with one, and it was time to hold our breaths. We held our breaths through each week, through the beta results at the beginning, through every ultrasound, holding them until we got past that 22-week mark. And then we held our breaths again.

Cecily is now at 34 weeks. I’ve been with her and Charlie to many, many ultrasound appointments, and each time I was ecstatic to see the baby moving around, to see the heart pounding away in a healthy rhythm.

Because of her history and the fact that her blood pressure does go up when she is pregnant (it is perfectly normal when she isn’t), combined with the fact that this baby is growing ahead of schedule, her Doctor is planning on inducing labor as early as June 5^th if all looks good at this weeks’ appointments.

On Saturday we had Cecily and Charlie’s baby shower. We believe there will be a baby now (the baby refuses to show us if it is a boy or a girl, but most of us think girl). They have gone from being terrified of losing this baby to having very little time now to be terrified of actually being parents.

I have been with them and watched them go through unthinkable tragedy and heartache. They not only were able to keep walking, they did so sober and allowing people to help them and love them and cheer them on. Cecily shared her agony openly and honestly in her writing, and the Internet responded almost exclusively with gratitude (the few trolls were greatly outnumbered).

She has reached so very many women and men with her words, her humor, and her raw honesty—in both her weakness and in her strength.

I know what those of you who read her know in your hearts—Cecily will be an incredible mother, and Charlie an incredible father.

This child will know it too.

Comments

[Susan]

Sarah,
This is a beautiful post. What a trememdous friendship you have. As much as we all love Cecily, we have come to adore you as well. Thanks for sharing with us.

[Lala]

Lovely introduction. I cannot believe it's been so long, a year and a half, since that tragedy brought you to blogging and all of us closer to you. This is looking like such a bright, hopeful spring....

[Lisa O]

Sarah - I met you through Cecily so I know her story but reading how beautifully you wrote about it here touched me again. Its so obvious that you two are true friends to one another. I agree that this baby will be blessed with wonderful parents but ALSO blessed with YOU in his/her life!
Hugs

[Amy D.]

I hardly ever go to church, but I went yesterday and Father Lane gave a wonderful homily about friendship, and how it helps us grow so much by teaching us to relate to people OTHER than ourselves, outside of ourselves, how it helps us know ourselves better.....true beauty! I love being grateful for the good things in life, but if I could only learn to control the happy tears...I cry reading blogs at work, sitting in church...it's getting embarrassing, lol! *smooch*

[Heatherg]

Awe..........

Lets see some damn pictures!!!

[Menita]

I am so happy and honored to have met you and Cecily.

[Jes]

What a beautiful post! Friendship like you three have is rare and a treasure.Thank you for sharing their story so people can understand how special Cecily and Charlie are. Glad the shower went well. Thank you for hosting the shower.

[The Aitch]

Do you know any screenwriters? Your history of friendship and the awesome new events about to come would make for a ridiculously good movie.

I love you both (Charlie too) and envy your friendship.

[Kier]

Sarah,
I've been reading Cecily's blog for awhile now, and just making my way over to yours. This post has brought me to tears (not just one or two, but a downpour!). What an amazing, lovely friendship you three share. I'm so glad the shower went well! What a wonderful, wonderful friend you are.

[gretchen]

Beautiful post...beautiful friendship!

[ktpupp]

Sarah, I am so glad that my friend Cecily has you as a friend! Thank you for helping me suprise her with my visit. I really enjoyed meeting you, even though I felt like I already knew you by the time I got there!

[Paige]

Cecily has such a great friend in you.

[Cecily]

Girl, I am bawling over here! Dammit...

Thank you so much for all your hard work. No one has ever had a better friend, or a better baby shower!

[kerri anne]

Sar, you are amazing and I feel proud to know you.

Am so glad Cecily is ok,(Hi! Cecily!) and that no doubt she just had an awesome shower because of you and others who love her deeply. Hooray for healthy babes! Will be praying and sending loves.

[Toni]

This was just beautifully written, Sarah. I'm so happy to have the opportunity to get to know you via your blog, too. You guys are so lucky to have each other.

[Elise]

We are so glad to be part of your community of friends. Just watching you put together the shower on Saturday was even more evidence of how much we already knew you loved them. It was just wonderful. And now excuse me while I ponder the fact that their kid could be coming in TWO WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Nancy]

Beautifully written Sarah, tear in my eye here.
xoxo

[Jen]

Sarah, as always, you've made it so clear why Cecily, Charlie and you and Pete are such wonderful people. Thank you so much for your words. It's my hope that everyone in this world would have a friend like you. Thank you.

[Leggy]

Your friendship with Cecily is enviable. I have always been so impressed with how both of you can be so honest and open and sharing with your lives. You are fortunate to have each other and what a great role model of female friendship you are handing down to your daughters.

[hooizz]

im glad you (and cecily) shared this with us - i certainly didnt know all the backstory till now.

sorry sarah! ill update soon! - im worried about being dooced .

cheers
hooizz

[Anna]

you're an awesome friend, and you'll be an awesome friend to their baby, too.

[halloweenlover]

Beautiful, Sarah. I'm crying.

What a wonderful friendship, and I'm just so happy because Cecily and Charlie so deserves this joy.

[Amanda B.]

I think about Cecily a lot, and I'm going to cry like a toddler when she has the baby. I'm glad she has a friend as special and loving as you are!

[Charlie]

Sarah -
You've gone the extra mile (and more) for us. I can't count how often.

Thank you, again, for all of it.

[sheryl]

What a beautiful introduction. What a story of growth and courage and love. The story of Cecily and Charlie and their (sober!) journey is very heartening for me.

I used to prepare my mind to be alone all my life, to never get married and never have children, because the risks of making mistakes and risks of loss were so incomprehensibly HUGE to me. I no longer fantasize about being alone all my life, and who knows if I will have children of my own. But I am no longer so afraid of being loved that I refuse to let it happen.

You are so blessed to have one another in your lives.