Weekend Ramble

This weekend has been a productive yet relaxing one. Friday night I took my daughter to see Robots with Charlie and Cecily. Don’t bother! It was incredibly dull, even my kid admitted. As one review I read said, this shows that there is Pixar, and then there is everything else. This was no Pixar.

Saturday, I picked up Cecily and we went downtown to drop my daughter off with her father. We were meeting him at a small bakery/café near where we were to meet with a florist. We then sat all together for a nice awkward meal, with some of the worst and slowest service I’ve had in quite some time. Kisses to my kid, and we got the fuck out of there. We went to meet with a florist who turned out to be fabulous. We spent TWO HOURS talking with this man, and it was actually enjoyable. I don’t even know how to explain this, but there you have it. This gay man was meant to do the flowers for my wedding. I got approval from my folks, and will call him first thing Monday morning to book. After that we went and got Charlie and had a nice leisurely lunch.

We parted ways and I drove to my parents’ house so that my father could take my I-129F Petition for Alien Fiancé photo, being sure to show my right ear. We also did a bit more research as I wanted to have everything prepared for when Pete’s documents arrived, mail I was expecting by Tuesday if we were lucky. I drove home and picked up the mail from inside my door…and there was an envelope from France. I had to look at it several times, thinking it must be from someone else, but it was it! He mailed it on March 9^th, and here I had it on March 12^th! I called my parents immediately to tell them—my father had answered the phone and he repeated what I said to my mother who then yelled out “It’s a good omen!!” I have to say, I agree. I called Pete, and we spoke on the phone for over two hours (he called me back after an hour), and it was so relaxing and calming and I could have listened to his voice for hours more. Before I was off the phone, Cec called on my cell phone and said if we left right that second, we could catch this movie we had talked of seeing. I decided to stay in.

So I spent my Saturday night gathering documents, making a list of what I needed to photocopy at work Monday morning, and beginning to fill in the forms. Of course I messed up and decided these would be my rough draft. It is so nerve-wracking filling these fucking things out when their instructions drive you completely mad! Along with gathering documents and filling out forms incorrectly, I wrote emails to much of Pete’s family because I had gathered all their addresses during my visit and then completely neglected to stay in touch. Only one son had email by the time I visited, and it was work email. The middle son had emailed with me before my visit, but had since lost it. The big news Saturday was that Pete’s daughter had phoned and she had EMAIL! I wrote her a long letter and sent her pictures of my dress and she wrote back today and made me very happy. She was informed of our blogs, and dove right in and diligently read all of mine. I think she is fantastic for doing that, and it helps to think she can know me better through this. Today I found out that now the two sons have personal email addresses as well, so I will be writing them soon.

Today, Sunday, was a very long drive through the worst parts of New Jersey—strip mall after strip mall—to get down to a community college in Egg Harbor Township where my mother was holding an opening reception for her solo show. It was very sunny out today, so the drive was sort of nice. Not many people showed, but it is a very out of the way location for many of my mother’s supporters. I sat and chatted with my dad and the man who ran the gallery. We watched as a bright Cardinal attacked his reflection over and over and over again at a corner window. He was still doing it when I left a few hours later. I got in a wonderfully spirited argument with the husband of an artist my mom is close with, and my father is convinced he was yanking our chain somewhat. I’m more convinced that he was something of an idiot with the sweeping generalizations he was making to ‘prove’ his ridiculous theory.

It began with us talking of the horrific story about a Professor who drugged and raped his student worker, a woman who was 25 yrs or so his junior, and who was also the daughter of a college friend. This guy at the gallery said that this behavior and all rapes and affairs and basically any behavior involving sex, were the result of our biological reproductive imperative.  I was dumbfounded. “Rape has absolutely nothing to do with sex,” I said, “it has to do with power.”

He blatantly dismissed this notion. The argument went crazy from there, where he then got frustrated that I kept trying to narrow things down to specific countries, time periods, etc., and I kept trying to explain that you cannot begin an intelligent argument with a broad generalization like his. “It is self-evident!” he kept saying. ARGH!

I enjoyed it though, I will admit. I enjoyed that feeling of my adrenaline pumping through my veins and my heart racing. I enjoyed even more that while I was raising my voice a bit, I was able to be respectful to him and verbalize my arguments in a sane, intelligent manner—it was not always this way.

I left there to get to my daughter’s ice hockey game—only two more left this season—after mapping out a direct route. This turned out to be a very pleasant drive, for even though parts of it were trailers and double-wides, burned-out rubble homes and the like, eventually it became farmland with oddly-shaped houses of all sizes, vast fields showing the skeletons of harvest, and the sun was at my favorite angle, giving everything that amber diffusion as I drove with Bob Dylan turned up loud. An hour and a half later, after going through some of the post-farmland-turned-development-boxes, I was at the game. Our team was creamed, but we played well, and my daughter got her first check. She was knocked on her back and head hard enough that she just laid there for a minute until the coach came out. The other kid got a penalty, but my girl got up and shook it off, and played just as hard once she was put back out there. When we talked of it later, I could see she was just a little bit proud.

Tomorrow morning, the first forms go in the mail. Let us pray. I sacrifice a virtual virgin to the gods and goddesses!

Comments

[Catherine]

Hooray for finding a good florist! You are so ahead of the game, you're going to have such a gorgeous wedding. :)

That guy at the thing was a complete moron. I find it's not worth arguing with people who are so utterly idiotic - pearls before swine. But I know about enjoying the adrenaline rush! :)

Loved your description of your drive, and good for S for being such a bad ass!

[Cecily]

AH, I'm glad the florist met with dad approval. Yeah! On to the next thing...where is my list...

[Kathleen]

Thanks for the tip on Robots, I was going to take my son to see it but now we'll save the money.

I used to work in the field of domestic violence(dv) and sexual assualt(sa) prevention and intervention (long name for such a low paid field!) Certain men, and it was always men, would hear what line of work I was in and launch into long, factually incorrect theories about dv and sa. When I attempted to tactfully correct them, tactfully pointing out that this was my field of expertise, so much so that I was often called on to testify in court as an expert, it seemed to do nothing but fuel their desire to defend their pathetic little thesis even more. It was deeply disturbing.

Good for you for standing up to this man. I know how awkward that can be but at the same time how good it can feel when you keep your cool, relay facts and stand your ground.

[Jenn]

Hmmm, sounds familiar. I got into a discussion with a guy, who thought being well read made him an intellectual. It sounds like your guy and my guy read the same book, which I cannot remember the name of, but basically was written on the premise that all sex was based on the primal instinct of reproduction. So whether it is heterosexual, homosexual, violent, criminal, etc., the actual drive is based on this base instinct. Ask me nothing more, because the regurgitated argument was neither succinct nor valid.

Congrats on flowers! So you've got venue, dress and flowers; you are getting close. Remember one thing at a time, don't get overwhelmed, and every once and a while just sit down, smile and breathe. You're getting married!!!!! WOOHOOO!

Much Love