Super Freak

On Monday morning when I sealed the envelope containing the I-129F Petition and supporting documentation, put the stamps on it, and lay it carefully in the outgoing mail bin at my office, I immediately felt a wave of nausea wash over me and I had to steady myself against the reception desk for a minute (the big reception desk where we have no receptionist. An intern sits there occasionally).

I am a freak these days, let me tell you.

I’ve been reminded that I should stop every once in a while, take a deep breath, and remember the fact that I’m getting MARRIED and am happier than a toddler in a soda-induced frenzy. And I am!

But I am a freak these days.

I have never handled stress particularly well, although I suppose nobody really enjoys it. We manage it, right? It’s just that some people have better tools than others, and some people actually utilize those tools. I have tools, but I lost the key to the tool shed and need to bust the fucking lock open. I need to borrow some bolt cutters.

I am not communicating well with my bridesmaids. I seem to have people-pleasing issues there for some reason, but have somehow overcompensated my need to ‘not say too much’ by not saying nearly enough!

I alternate between stressing about the wedding plans and stressing about the immigration process, peppered with general stress—no, seething, raging, boiling bile-infused hatred—about my job.  The times I’m fed up with things my daughter does has increased, and she is a perfect barometer for my state of being. She picks up on my stress levels, obviously, and this makes her act out more, which makes me more stressed, and because I’m such a FREAK THESE DAYS, I am immediately on her level and we are fighting.

I need to go to more meetings. Cecily reminded me yesterday that I can pray. I need to chill the fuck out! I am so in love with Pete, it is mind-boggling. My daughter makes me laugh and feel so good and so proud of her FAR more often than she irritates me. I have women who want to be my bridesmaids, who want to be a part of my wedding!

I am such a freak these days. I need to stop. Take a breath. Be grateful. I’m getting MARRIED!!!

Comments

[Leggy]

They say that getting married and job searching are among the top two life stressers, so its no wonder you feel like freaking out. I'm sure if whoever created the life-stresser scale knew about the immigration process, they'd rank that up there too. Try to tell yourself its the circumstances and not your personality. Also try to have as many de-stressers in your life as possible- take a quick walk at work if you feel like hitting someone, go to more movies, exercise, take yoga, etc.

[Cecily]

Let's hit some extra meetings. There's got to be a teenager in your neighborhood you can hire to raid your pantry--oops--I mean babysit. We should find a nice suburban gal's meeting, one w/o Fran. : )

[Moxie]

You know what would make you feel better? Go into your local bank branch, sit on their couch, then roll off onto the floor and push yourself up from all fours. It's remarkably freeing.

[em]

It's really stressful isn't it... There's not much anyone can say to make it better. But at the end of the day whatever issues you're having with your bridesmaids it's your day, and they just want what's best for you (or they should!).

I know it's a pain, but this time next year it will all be over and you, Pete and your daughter will all be together.

and who knows you may even be able to laugh about it!

[Sarah]

Hi Sarah, from another Sarah. My ears perked up when I saw your I-129F. My husband is from Portugal and finally got his green card last month. The whole immigration process is quite a nightmare. I can so sympathize...as if weddings are not stressful enough!

Have a great weekend.