Sad and Beautiful World

The New Please Touch Museum: Bigger and Better!

Last week a very savvy and cool and amazing woman who not only writes a mean blog but just so happens to be my very best friend invited me to take up a press pass as a Mom-who-blogs and go check out the press preview of the new and improved Please Touch Museum.

I baby sit 4 days a week for a close friend’s daughter who is 11 months old, so I brought her (my daughter is 12 and was at school, but I’ll likely bring her another time). The Please Touch Museum opened in 1976 as the first museum in the nation designed for children ages 7 and under. I remember going there when I was 7 or 8 and possibly older. We were not only allowed to touch things, but encouraged to do so.

But it was small. When my daughter was younger I took her a couple of times, but parking was always a frustration in the center city location, and if it was a rainy day the crowd inside was claustrophobia inducing.

All that has changed with this fantastic move to Memorial Hall. Built as the art gallery for the 1876 Centennial Exhibition, it has languished over the years of the 20th and now 21st century as a landmark with no real function. The Please Touch Museum raised $88 million for construction, exhibit design and fabrication, and moving cost, and it was money well spent.

Entering the main hall is breathtaking as you look up 59 feet to the 150-foot dome! After noting the 40-foot interpretation of the Statue of Liberty’s Arm and Torch made out of toys and found objects (by local artist Leo Sewell), the only problem you face is which way to go first.

The museum utilizes 38,000 square feet of space for exhibits. Many of the favorites from the original site have been moved and expanded upon, and then there are plenty of new ones. I know I loved it and I’m certain my 12-year-old daughter would have enjoyed it even though she is technically above the targeted age group. The downstairs town with the grocery store and a McDonald’s, a shoe store filled with lots of shoes and a Children’s Hospital with rows of cribs and baby dolls was impressive, and the construction zone seemed to be very popular too!

My only complaint with any of it was just after I was told by a staff member that the “front porch” area was for children under 3, I brought my charge in there and she immediately hurt herself on one of the toys! It was a plastic lawnmower with a push handle that does not lock. The little sweetie tried to push it and the handle moved forward and she went right over the top of it onto her face. ☹ She was most offended and we lodged a complaint right away. So I am hoping those mowers are either no longer there, or have had their handles locked into place if that is possible.

The transportation area has the front quarter of a SEPTA bus, a car, and part of the original John Wanamaker Rocket Express monorail, all in a city setting with a city park and an interactive mural. The Flight Fantasy area is something that will appeal to the older end of the spectrum, I think. I know I was into it! The best part is a high-ceilinged room at one end with the “Flying Machine”. Kids put together foam pieces into a plane or flying machine of whatever design they wish, then hook it onto a pulley contraption that has a handle to crank. You raise your machine up and up and up to the very top, where it gets knocked off its hook and comes floating (or soaring or catapulting) down to the bottom again. This area of the museum reminded me of my favorite things about the Franklin Institute, its old neighbor.

I can’t possibly list all the exhibits here. It would take too long and I didn’t even get a chance to see all of them! The 11-month old liked the rubber duckies of the river adventure area the very best—she wanted me to let you know. She absolutely freaked over the restored 100-year old carousel in its own huge room, but was a bit nervous once we were on it.

I was impressed with the kindness of the staff (though, what a fabulous job, right?) and just the absolute abundance of space and color and delight to be found there. They also have rental opportunities for parties and receptions and even meetings. I was very glad to see a huge exhibit honoring the history of the building, including a very large-scale model of the entire Centennial Exhibition.

Anyone with kids under 10 who live in the area, or close enough to come for a day, should get a membership. With a membership (only $130 a year for a family of four!), entry is free as is the parking. Without, the fees are still incredibly reasonable to park in their enormous (250 spaces) parking lot ($5.00) and to enter the museum for the day ($15 for an adult). The three levels of membership give additional benefits that you can explore on their website, and learn what more they have to offer (birthday parties, catering, events, etc)!

The grand opening is THIS SATURDAY, October 18th!

*And yes, I realize this post should be full of photos, but I was babysitting and focused on that and completely forgot to bring my camera. D'oh! Also, I was at BlogHer DC Monday and it was great and I might even write about that soon. :-)

The Play's the Thing

This past weekend was the school play. They did a production of Mulan and my daughter was one of the Chinese soldiers—no speaking part, but lots of singing and choreographed dancing. The play kept her extremely busy with rehearsals after school and even two Sundays. She often got home at around 6pm, have dinner, then try to get homework done. Between the play and being out for an entire week of school last month, things started to slip.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t on top of her enough and she didn’t tell me everything, so we’ve had some issues come up recently. A phone call from her Language Arts teacher to tell me she hadn’t finished a project that she was given an extra week to finish. Fortunately, the teacher said she could work on it over the weekend and though she wouldn’t get full credit, she wouldn’t get a failing mark either. The kiddo and I had a talk and she worked really hard for hours on Sunday to get the project done. I talked with her about Pete’s motto, “Kill monsters when they are small,” and how we can both relate to avoiding something hoping it will go away. The fact is, though, things just get worse and scarier and more stressful. She worked hard and the teacher was so impressed with what she did, the kid ended up getting praise. I hope she learned a lesson.

This week I found out she wasn’t doing so well in math, but most of this was due to missing lectures and not fully understanding those sections…and not asking anyone for help. Her grades are improving now that she is back on track. We have another major project to tackle tonight and tomorrow night for her Language Arts class, and then I think we can get through the rest of the school year. She is extremely smart, but easily distracted and doesn’t enjoy the more rigid assignments that middle school offers. It is frustrating because she tries to fall back on the “I’m stupid” excuse and it drives me crazy. She’s made honor roll the first two quarters this year and I’m certain she can make it again this quarter if she stays focused for a few more weeks.

The school offers an alternative curriculum for each grade that embraces a more free-flowing, open education with group projects and work that integrates all subjects rather than a separate class for each. I tried to get her interested in this before starting sixth grade, to no avail. I think she’d do much better in this sort of environment. She has become friends with some seventh graders this year through chorus and drama club as well as the play, and after knowing some kids who follow the alternative track in their grade, it became more attractive. She’s applied to get in—it is a lottery, so there is no guarantee—but I’m keeping my fingers crossed. I honestly think some of the stuff she does now just bores her. We shall see.

The play was great, by the way, and quite the production! I worked backstage on opening night as a volunteer and ended up spending the time in the girl’s dressing room. Yikes. Girls that age are truly awful. I’m so grateful my daughter is friendly to everyone and stays away from the cliquey girls. On Saturday she had an entourage in attendance for her: Pete and I, her father and his girlfriend and her mother, my parents, my aunt and uncle, and my parents’ best friend, and of course Charlie and Cecily!! Imagine if she had had a speaking part! Ha!

In Sickness and in, well, more sickness.

My daughter returned to school today, finally, after being home sick from
Friday the 8th until Wednesday the 13th, at which point she went to see her doctor (in my defense, she was sort of sick Friday so I let her stay home because, you know, it was Friday. She went to her father’s for the weekend, which always wipes her out even though I informed him to take it easy because she was getting sick. Monday, she was much worse). She had a fever of 100.5 every day (I don’t know about the weekend) and a horrendous cough.

This is a kid who never used to get sick and even when she did hardly ever missed school. Each year gets worse. She had bronchitis in September and the bacterial pneumonia in December, remember? So they gave her another chest x-ray to rule out pneumonia (she didn’t have it) and then gave her a 5-day course of antibiotics anyway. Which worked.

Her school had a half-day the 14th and no school the 15th or yesterday, the 18th, so today is the first day she’s at school for 11 days. I hope she makes it through the day!

I’m very frustrated with how sick she’s been getting, though. When she had pneumonia, the doctor we saw (who wasn’t her doctor), kept babbling about asthma. Apparently this is the hot ticket item these days? It pissed me off, because I think I would have noticed if my kid had trouble breathing. She’s athletic and vibrant and never gets out of breath playing sports. Where was this asthma diagnosis coming from? Apparently, the nurse practitioner that saw my kid last week (my father took her because I was at my babysitting gig), tried to pin the asthma on her as well. What, do they get handed an order from the AMA: first person to submit 20 cases of asthma gets a new laptop? Seriously, I’m asking. What is the deal?

I’m looking into taking her to a new doctor. There is a relatively new trend for doctors to specialize in adolescent medicine. My mother suggested this and I think it is a good idea—have a doctor who is treating my daughter as an entire being, and who will actually see her when we have appointments and not have us passed on to somebody else in the practice (well, that’s what I’m hoping for anyway).

In the meantime, I’m giving her vitamins (as usual) and extra vitamin C in tablets, oranges, and kiwis. I think I’m going to have to get her in bed a bit earlier a few times a week, too. What kind of worries me is that it seems as if everyone is getting sick more often, and in worse ways, than usual this year. I know in my household there is always at least one of us who aren’t feeling 100%. I could be imagining this, though…I mean, this is how those conspiracy theories get started isn’t it? Heh.

Body and Soul

The other night my daughter told me she hates her thighs and thinks they are fat.

You have all seen photos of my kid, right? Many of you have seen her in person. She doesn’t have an extra ounce of fat anywhere on her body. She thinks they are “fat” because when she sits down, they spread out. I explained to her that the muscles are relaxed in that position, that is all. I talked about how when we stare at any one thing for too long, it can start to look strange to us. She said everyone else is pretty. Ugh.

What is a mother to do? How do we keep our daughters from going through this kind of agony? Will this sort of self-flagellation ever end? Is it inherently human or is it a product of years and years of media flashing false images of ideal bodies?? I do find it hard to imagine that a woman living in a society where the sole purpose of existence is survival would have the time to be concerned with issues of vanity.

It is heartbreaking. Then yesterday a good friend wrote a blog post about her own body issues…she wrote in gut-wrenching details about how she felt seeing her body. She’s gained weight in the past year since getting married, but to me she is still a long way away from fat. She is extremely beautiful and intelligent and knows very well that her thoughts and feelings about her body are unhealthy, but that doesn’t stop her from feeling them. She has had thoughts of suicide over this—it’s no laughing matter. She’s struggled with an eating disorder in the past and I’m worried she’s heading for it again. She possibly suffers from what we know as Body Dysmorphic Disorder, something that affects about 2% of the population (US).

A photo editor at a magazine recently contacted me. She had seen my photos on Flickr and wants to possibly use them with an upcoming article on body image and the rise of women on community photo sites doing self-portraits. It isn’t yet a guarantee (and I’m trying really, really hard not to get too excited about it), but the idea of it struck me. She talked about the current backlash against altered images in the media…have we all seen the infamous Faith Hill cover (Redbook) photo showing all the changes made?

Talking with the editor, I wanted to have hope. She works for a magazine that focuses on the body, one that I would have expected to focus on those “perfect” bodies that don’t actually exist. I began to feel a little bit optimistic. I thought about the Dove campaign for “real beauty” and while it isn’t all the way there as far as I’m concerned, it is a big step—multi-racial, curvaceous women and the Self-Esteem Fund seems like a cool idea. Still all beautiful and none particularly big women, but we’re getting there, perhaps.

Most of my self-portraits involve Photoshop, of course, and while none of it involves changing the shape of my nose or the cut of my stomach, I still take care to pose in certain ways and I do smooth out my skin. I guess I’m still “getting there” as well, and maybe this is the impetus to be more daring, more brave. Getting naked is not bravery, to me. Showing what I really look like? That would be brave. Because despite it all—despite loving my daughter and not wanting her to ever hate her body like she is learning to do, I am not exactly living a good example. I’m so much better than I’ve ever been as far as accepting myself and loving myself, body and soul, but the doubts and self-hating voices still arise. I still have days when I don’t want to see myself in the mirror.

And none of us should ever feel that way.

ER Trip

My daughter had to go to the ER last night because of something rather unusual. She was wearing these new earrings since last Wednesday. They are small posts with little flat silver dolphins that lay flush against the ear. She is still relatively new to earrings, and apparently from worry over losing them, she pushed them together really tight, and must have continued to push on them. A few nights ago she told me they hurt and she couldn't get them out. I had a look and tried one, and couldn't either. There was nothing to grip and no 'give' around her lobe. And she didn't let me try long because it hurt. I didn't get a close look.

She stayed at my parents this most recent Wednesday and they gave it a try. She wasn't cooperative in letting them get a good look, either.

Finally yesterday, when she came home early from a half-day of school, I convinced her to let Pete and I look some more. Pete made a contraption using pliers and a clip with a screw to hold the backing and then be able to push the post from the back out. We made progress with one ear. She was done, however, and frustration on all sides made us stop. We went out to run some errands but I kept telling her if she didn't let us have another try we would have to go to the ER. They had to come out. A small look at the other ear had scared me...I couldn't see much of the backing!

When we got home, she gave the earring we had loosened another go by herself and managed to get it out! We had her hold ice on the other ear for about 20 minutes and then convinced her to let us have a closer look. It was not good at all. I made a diagram to try and illustrate just how bad it was...that backing was DEEP inside her little ear lobe and we had no idea how much the skin might have grafted to it...we couldn't handle this at home since we didn't know how much it might tear her skin.

So...the kid and I left, went and got something to eat first, then drove over to the local Emergency Room mentally preparing ourselves for a very long night. It was about 5:40pm.

The place was deserted, and before I could even relax after signing in and getting my coat off, we were called back. We were processed further and then taken to a room where an intern began to examine the ear. She got a forceps and started wriggling it, saying she wanted to try and get it without needing local anesthetic. The kid was a different child now than she was at home, which is normal but Damn! So annoying. LOL. She didn't cry or whine or squeal or squirm like she did when we only LOOKED at it at home! She only asked the doctor to stop once to catch her breath. She didn't even squeeze my hand.

It took a full 2 minutes or so of maneuvering it, then we heard the clicking as it came off the post (which had FIVE ridges in it for some masochistic reason). I even got to assist! She asked me to get gauze from the third drawer down in a mobile supply trolley in the corner when the ear started bleeding. It was all over. We have to keep watch for infection and keep it clean, of course, but that thing is out of her ear, thank goodness.

After discovering the co-pay with her insurance for an ER visit was absolutely outrageous--$200!!! (and something I cannot pay, but put a small amount on and will try to get her father to pay the rest...ain't the US health care system grand?), we walked out of the doors and back to the car at 6pm.

They said the quiet night was unusual. We were able to head home and update Pete, then go over to Charlie and Cecily's house to watch a movie. Amazing.

A friend indeed...

This weekend I had my first paid photography gig! Cecily had asked me to take photos at a baby shower several weeks back, and the woman for whom the shower was held, Liana,  liked my pictures enough to ask me to take her family portraits for holiday cards!

This is something I can do…not quite as much pressure as a wedding, and far less time commitment. I was really nervous about how the photos would come out, but they look very good and professional, if I dare say. I hope they like them! It was a great first shoot…lovely family and gorgeous baby—pretty hard to take a bad photo. A college friend just had his first child with his fiancée and asked me to take their holiday portraits as well, so I’m feeling a nice boost. If I could do this sort of thing once a month or so at least, the extra cash would really help out and make me feel better about pursuing the artistic (i.e., that which makes no money) photography.

In other news, the kid already ended things with the boyfriend. There was much drama with him of course telling everyone that HE broke up with HER, and then her best friend seeking some sort of revenge, but things ended well. Eventually. I’m still concerned about this best friend monopolizing all her time, but more than that, this friend has a lot of issues and some violent tendencies that are starting to make me more and more nervous. I feel badly for the girl because my daughter seems to be the one of the few who can tolerate her. She has no father around and her mom is a wreck. They see each other less this year since they aren’t in the same group of classes, but they are still interlocked pretty tightly. I’ve been doing some gentle nudging to the kiddo in a direction away from this girl, but I think I have to nudge a little harder. Just a little.

Anyone have any issues like this? I am open to advice!

Poor Baby

When it rains, it pours.

The kiddo has been coughing off and on for ages now...back in September she did a round of antibiotics for what we thought was bronchitis, but her cough never really fully disappeared.

Over the weekend she was sick again with a fever both Saturday and Sunday, but by Sunday evening she was okay. She went to school Monday with no major issues, but last night said how much her throat hurt.

Today she went to school and called from the nurse at 10am, her second visit, so I went to get her while putting a call into her doctor's office. By 11:30 we were seeing one of the other doctors in the practice (our regular doctor wasn't there). I didn't like her. She started saying the kid had some weird kind of asthma that causes coughing rather than wheezing, and I knew that just didn't seem right. But they had her do a breathing test and then a breathing treatment with a bronchial dilator, then another breathing test which showed no improvement. This was to kill the asthma theory.

The doctor then ordered a chest x-ray even though she said she couldn't hear any obstructions. Off to radiology and after waiting close to an hour and going through all the insurance information again, she got her x-ray and we went home expecting a call with results tomorrow.

They called half an hour ago instead, and she has pneumonia!! I'm about to go to the pharmacy (second time today) to pick up her antibiotics. Ugh.

Tomorrow I'll try and post about the sudden development of a boyfriend in her life and how instant messaging and the phone have at once become vitally important. Oy vay.

Busy day away from the computer

Today we had the pleasure of having Tori over for the afternoon. Charlie and Cecily brought her over around noon and we left her with my daughter (who was off school today) while we went to a much-needed recovery meeting. I even managed to share in a positive way and without breaking into tears for the first time in quite a while. Maybe I’ve turned a corner?

Afterwards, they dropped me back home and then went off by themselves for a movie date (also much-needed). The kiddo was up in her room with Tori. We played up there for a bit then came downstairs, Tori trying to get into anything and everything she could. My daughter asked for a break and retreated upstairs. I decided we needed to get outside, so I bundled her up and we went with Pete and the dogs to the park. That kid can move fast—interrupted only briefly by falls that hardly phased her.

When we got back I threw a SpongeBob DVD on the TV and Tori finally was willing to sit still for more than two seconds, at which point she passed right out…snuggled up against me. Sigh. As much as I loved that feeling, I definitely don’t miss having a little kid around full time. SO exhausting!

Charlie and Cecily arrived to pick her up literally the same second she woke up from her nap. We had a few minutes to get ready to go to my parents for dinner, who had one of my mom’s cousins over. He lives in Fairbanks, Alaska with his wife, who had to travel to DC for a conference, so he hitched along with her and took the train up to stay with my folks for the night. Then he’s off to see some other cousins tomorrow. I’ve never met him, as he’s always lived far away. It was really great to get to know more of my family—my mother’s family is full of amazingly adventurous and artistically creative people. We are now looking forward to one day visiting Alaska!

Had to come home and help the kiddo tackle homework that we put off until the last minute…she started off in tears, feeling overwhelmed and beating herself up for waiting to start, but I managed to get her back on track and helped her get through it. She’s still finishing math and has some reading to do, but she’s feeling more positive.

Why is it so simple to go easy on those we love and we are so quick to be so hard on ourselves?

Happy Halloween!

My daughter went to her first school dance on Friday night. In the weeks leading up to it, she surprised me by telling me about her friends being asked by boys to go to the dance. I didn’t think kids did that in sixth grade. Eventually I discovered that being “asked” just meant that you’d see the boy there. Maybe.

Anyway, my daughter wasn’t being asked. She didn’t seem too upset about it, but she was talking to me about it so I figured it was bothering her some. I worry about her sometimes more than I should and other times not enough. I struggle to stop myself from projecting my own issues and memories from being that age, because she is nothing like I was. But where I would fall in with a group of girls only to be turned on and teased mercilessly, she hasn’t ever really fit in with one group. She has a best friend who in a lot of ways is a burden and I think keeps her from making other friends. She is really smart and loves school, yet is tall and blonde and beautiful so she intimidates the “nerds,” who she likes.  She was never interested in the so-called “cool” kids because even from a very young age she recognized that they were phony and often cruel. So where does that leave her? She seems happy and well adjusted, so I’m not sure if my worry comes from my own baggage or not. She gets along with everyone.

On Friday after school she came in the front door and eagerly stated, “I have a date for the dance!” When I asked her who asked her, she said, “I asked someone!” Holy shit, I couldn’t believe it. No way in hell I would have been able to do that at almost 12 years old! She asked R., whom she described as funny and looking like a girl.

She showered and got ready by wearing a cute casual dress, stockings and dress shoes, with a little sweater I lent her. She put lip-gloss on and that was it. She looked so grown up but not trashy; just really sweet. I dropped her off at her best friend’s house and before she got out of the car I gave her my cell phone “just in case.” “Just in case what,” she asked. I stumbled…it was totally about me. I remembered tears and stress and wanting to disappear. “Just in case you need me,” I said. She shrugged her shoulders and put the phone in her purse, got out of the car and left.

When she returned that night she said it was lots of fun, but she didn’t even find R. until most of the dance was over. She asked him to slow dance during the one slow song they played, but by the time they were ready, the song was over. She spent most of the time dancing with her friends. She requested “Thriller” to be played by the DJ, and her and her friend did the dance steps to it. I asked if they were the only ones and she smiled and said, “Yeah.”

That’s my girl.

Today for Halloween, despite the abundance of over-sexed little girl costumes available (see Cecily’s great post about this), my kid has always made costumes from what is around the house or in thrift stores. And she’s always been interested in being something scary or weird. Last year she was a hillbilly; the year before that a “zombie princess”. This year she is being an old-fashioned schoolmarm, wearing a dress I wore to a bar mitzvah when I was about her age that my mother saved: A up to the neck, down to the shins, frilly and flowery dress, and sensible shoes.

I’m really proud of her.

She's a big girl, all the way

My daughter started sixth grade last week, Middle School (that is sixth, seventh, and eighth grade)! She was excited about it most of the summer and then, very naturally, got a bit nervous in those last couple of days. She was so cute getting ready. We spent part of the summer totally cleaning out her disaster of a room so she could begin the year organized. She now has floor space where once she had none. Her room is so freaking small, but we took out the doors to this stupid huge closet that takes up half the room and put her bed in there. We cut a little ‘window’ in the side to let in light from the actual window the stupid closet was mostly blocking. I gave her my old computer and a wardrobe. We filled up bags and bags of clothes to give away, boxes of books, and mountains of garbage were tossed. Very fulfilling. Now I just have to get my ass over to the donation places to get this shit out of my house. Heh. Also, clean out the ‘extra’ room that is now impossible to walk into because it is filled with stuff I figured I’d put away “later.” Yeah…I’ll get to that eventually!

So she’s doing really well. That first day she asked if Pete and I would walk with her down to the end of the street where the bus picks her up (in elementary school she walked or I gave her a ride). As I watched her get on the bus and get carried away I felt so nervous inside and I realized it wasn’t for her, but a reliving of my own horrid middle school experiences. Coming home almost every day in tears off the bus because of the two friends who turned on me would yell insults from the back of the bus to me in the front during the whole ride.

I thought about that for a bit and took a deep breath. My daughter is so far beyond what I was at her age…so much more aware of the way people are and I just know she wouldn’t put up with that sort of thing. Even better is that I know she wouldn’t perpetrate it onto others, either.

So each day she comes outside in the morning with her backpack on to say goodbye to Pete and I and the dogs. We watch her walk down the street looking so much older than the kid who came running home from elementary school last year; and we feel a bit old. But we also feel quite proud. She’s been on top of her homework without being asked. She’s been extremely helpful around the house. She’s gone to bed without giving me grief. It is like a switch was flipped and she decided she needed to grow up. Amazing…not that she was a bad kid before or anything. She just is more focused on being helpful and responsible this year. And it is fantastic. Makes the whole household happier, really.

Damn, I’m proud of her.