Sad and Beautiful World

BlogHer '08 Part I: Pleasantly surprised

I went to San Francisco with very little expectations, and as most of you probably know, keeping one’s expectations low usually results in being pleasantly surprised. 

Before I go into my own experience, let me just say that I really believe any large gathering of people is just a reflection of humanity and that bloggers are no more elitist or snobby or wonderful or friendly than any other cross-section of humanity. There is good and bad, always.

And so by some miracle of miracles, I was able to focus on the good this weekend. I did not attend the daytime panels at the conference and instead went out with Flickr friends, so maybe that helped. ☺

Thursday night was the welcome party for newcomers, as well as the “People’s Party” (which was not, I found out with some disappointment, a Communist organization. Heh). The newcomers’ party was on the very top floor of the Westin Hotel in a beautiful ballroom. The elevator goes outside the building for the last dozen or so floors, which was breathtaking. Cecily and I had gone out to dinner before-hand for Indonesian food with fellow bloggers Dan and Sarah. We had met Dan in Philadelphia for TequilaCon and Sarah has been a longtime reader of Cecily and by association, me. We had a great time with them and Dan picked the perfect restaurat. Sarah was convinced to come with us to the party. Cecily and I both remarked later how sweet she is and how it felt like we had always known her…could not have been more comfortable!

In the lobby of the Westin St. Francis we immediately began gathering a gaggle of other lost bloggers looking for the party. We got on the wrong elevators and had to come back down to the lobby to find the elevators that went to the top of the building. In the elevator I realized that Stephanie Klein was among us. At the party we got some water and stood around scoping everything out. I took some random photos. Stephanie then approached us and she and I began talking about photography while Cecily was talking with some of her fans. I have had so much on my mind about my photography in particular and photography in general that I just spilled out stuff to her (in reality, I was so sleep-deprived that I’m not sure I know all that I said). Stephanie was gracious and warm and just a total sweetheart and I know it is silly to be star struck by a blogger, but whatever. She’s famous, and she wanted to hang out with me, so I was a little verklempt over that at first. But it passed as I connected with her and I truly hope I made a new friend.

Eventually we made our way down to the People’s Party which was in a far-too-small room (although apparently there were a lot more people attending these pre-conference parties then ever before). We were too late for the swag, but I was able to find some bloggers I knew and continue to meet new ones. I got to give KerriAnne a big hug but sadly didn’t get to hang out with her at all, otherwise. I saw Karl and Hilly and never saw them again. I had a woman come up to me and say she’s been following my photos for over a year and never comments but loves them and had to meet me. I had that happen a few times over the weekend and I have to say, it is so freaking cool! Being recognized like that is so rewarding and makes me grin like a happy fool to be complimented in that way.

So we went back to our hotel feeling giddy with it all! I was amazed I hadn’t felt stressed out or insecure and I didn’t even want to smoke. It was awesome. The next morning Cecily and I said our goodbyes after getting our caffeine and I got onto the BART towards Oakland to meet my Flickr friend Therese. Getting the ticket was an adventure in itself because their machines are so stupid (you are supposed to know that even though it starts you at 20 bucks, you can hit the “minus 1.oo” over and over again to get down to 3 bucks, then the “plus .05” to get up to .70. Huh?

I went out to a little suburb past Oakland where Therese lives, as I had invited myself to her house. I wanted to see her prints and her darkroom. She was gracious enough to allow me to see her home, which was absolutely lovely and arty and exactly what I imagined. Seeing Therese was beautiful…talking about photography for hours and seeing her work in print form as it was originally done…made me really want to use film again. One day when I can afford it, I will play with film again. She also explained how she does her cyanotypes and so that is something I can play with and will soon once I get the chemicals needed. She took me out to lunch and then to this amazing set of trails on the bay called The Albany Bulb, where there are sculptures made from trash dotting the landscape. I took a lot of photos there and will be uploading soon. I have a lot of photos to go through from this trip, so keep your eye on my San Francisco set as I add more.

I got the BART back to SF and raced my way through the TONS of people on the streets to get to the hotel. I didn’t have much time to shower and get ready to go back to the Westin to meet up with Cecily again. I was wind-blown and filthy, but walking on air. I dashed into an elevator at the last second that normally I would have let go since there were more than 5 people in it. I caught my breath as the doors closed and realized I was looking right at Jon Armstrong. I had no time to really think. “Oh my God,” I said, “It’s Jon Armstrong…” just then Heather peeked around from behind some random person blocking my view “…and Heather!” I only had time to shake their hands and introduce myself as Sarah. Heather said she thought she saw me on Flickr looking at photos tagged with “BlogHer08” (so I think she was talking about my selfie of me sprawled on the hotel bed). I spewed out “Yeah, I have one tagged and up already” and then tried to get off the elevator with them on their floor. I backed up and said, “Well see you later!” and of course never did see them again. The doors shut and I turned to the 4 business people in the elevator, opened my mouth… …and then closed it. I had nobody to tell. I went back to my room and saw myself in the mirror and laughed so hard…I looked like a completely insane person! My hair was so windblown from being at the bay and racing through the streets. I also later realized they had JUST arrived and were likely staying at the hotel where the conference wasn’t so as to avoid being accosted in the elevator. Ooops.

Well, Heather and Jon, I’m sorry for that and I am sorry I only had a short elevator ride to say anything because what I would also have said is, “Thank you. I admire you both and enjoy your writing and photography immensely and I think people who say mean things suck.”

(Part II tomorrow)

Going to California with an Aching in my Heart

Soooo, I’ve been pretty quiet about it, but I’m going to BlogHer this weekend. I’m still broke, so I’ve been embarrassed to say anything since I bitch about money a lot. The fact is it is a combo birthday present from a few people, and I’m only paying for the party registration (50 bucks) and food. My Jewish guilt about getting to go and about leaving my family behind and other things have made it difficult for me to actually be excited about it, but I’m getting there.

I leave with Cecily VERY early Thursday morning (leaving my house at 5am) and we have plans to meet with some blogger people that night, then there are parties at the hotel for BlogHer. Then Friday day I’ll be off with Flickr contacts and taking photos, just wandering around. Friday night is a big dance party. Saturday is another Flickr contact in the morning then some old friends for lunch. Then I don’t know and we leave at 3:30am that night/Sunday morning for the airport again. I’m gonna be a wreck when I get back!

I have so many thoughts running through my head right now and they are all nearly-formed blog posts that might actually be interesting, but of course right now don’t have the time. At this very moment, in fact, I have a 9-month-old baby girl hanging on my leg and sucking on the fringe from my cut-off jean shorts.  She’s cuter cause she isn’t mine. Ha!

I might do some of the writing I want to do on the plane and post from San Francisco. I have a lot of things I want to say. A lot of things I need to say. I want to go in new directions. I need to change the whole feel of this blog if I’m going to keep it. My creative energy all goes to photography, so if I don’t want the blog to die, I need to make it more about photography. So there may be another redesign in my near future.

Anyway! I’m sure I’ll also have a million photos and many interesting stories to tell when I get back, so that will give me some good blogging fodder for a little while.  ☺

Twelve Weeks

Radio killed the Photography Star

Guess who is going to be interviewed on the radio (sort of)???

You guys are so clever. Yes! Me!

My blog friend Karl has a weekly radio show on BlogTalk Radio, Sundays at 5pm EST and he asked me about a month ago if I'd be interested in being a guest. In my usual fashion, I said yes without really thinking about the reality in any way. Heh.

As the date has drawn closer I've become extremely nervous about it, which I know is silly since I met Karl at TequilaCon and he's a really nice guy and also a no-bullshit, say-it-like-it-is kind of guy.

The format is pretty casual and the cool and terrifying part is that people can CALL IN to the show, as well as join a chatroom on the site, which at the moment I can't even find so I'm not sure how that is going to work. I've created an account so I can chat with people if they are on there, though I imagine my head will explode if I try to do that while talking to Karl on the phone. :-)

Karl will mostly be asking me about my photography and, I imagine, my nudity, but nothing is off-limits for discussion.

So! You can listen to me live via this link below here or by finding “Secondhand Radio” on i-Tunes or you can listen to it either way later, as it will be out there on the Internet forever more. Yikes.

There will be cursing, just so you know.

This Sunday, July 6th, 5pm EST

Call-in Number: (646) 716-9370

Tori Turned Two!

Don't you just love alliteration? :-)

Yes, little Tori, Cecily and Charlie's gorgeous daughter, turned two years old on Saturday. They had a nice little gathering in a local playground with snacks and cake. We are in the middle of a heat wave here, but in the shade it was quite pleasant. Step into the sun, you melted, but the kids were pretty resilient.

Time really does fly. I went back and read my posts on Cecily's blog when she was still in the hospital after having Tori, and it already is a lifetime since then. My heart hurts with how much I adore this child. What a gift.

(Both her and my ability to love like that).

Three Weeks!

Two Weeks!

I swear I'm going to write an actual post soon. Seriously.

But for now? Video. LOL!

One Week!

Quitting Smoking, Day 2

Thank you all SO MUCH for the support and amazing comments, and the shared experience. I will respond to each of you, I swear. In the meantime, I posted a video diary type of thing yesterday on Flickr to document how I'm doing, and did another one today.

So I'm trying the 'embed this video' feature to see if it works.

Oh Boy...

I debated whether or not to go public with this, but I figured two things.

1. I live almost everything else on the Internet and people are very supportive.

2. I have never tried to do this before, and I think I’ll need all the support I can get.

At 9:30am this morning I smoked what I hope to be my last cigarette ever. Pete and I have been talking about thinking about getting ready to try and quit since last summer, but it is so easy to come up with a million reasons why this day or that day isn’t quite right yet.

Our friend Catherine quit a couple of weeks ago reading the book The Easy Way to Stop Smoking. I remembered that my friend Caitlin lent me a book by the same author many moons ago and I glanced at it, then put it aside because I had no real interest in quitting. I pulled it out and saw it was his second version of the book; The Only Way to Stop Smoking Permanently.

I told Pete maybe we should try reading it aloud together at night and then stop. I was mentally preparing myself. Before we started it, however, Pete abruptly arrived back from a dog walk on Saturday morning and said, “I’m smoking one more cigarette and then I’m done.” We had ¾ of a pack left before we’d have to buy more anyway, and so I decided to have the rest over the next day or so and then stop as well. I’ve now read only one chapter of the book, and will keep reading it since it will hopefully just reinforce my momentum.

Pete’s been doing exceptionally well…though he is finding he has much more time on his hands then ever before. He’s waking up earlier and not spending hours on the porch smoking and thinking like he used to do. He’s eating more, but he’s also walking the dogs farther than before. His mood has been impressive, aside from a small outburst this morning. Heh. I’m the one I’m worried about, as I already have a short temper.

I told my daughter when she got home last night that I was on my last few cigarettes and that Pete had already stopped. At first she wasn’t happy…she was nervous about me “going psycho” on her. Then she cheered for Pete when he came upstairs. I don’t think she really believes me yet, as I’ve been telling her off and on over the years that I would try soon. Always “soon.”

I think to keep me focused and to entertain myself, and because Flickr now allows video (which I think is awesome), tonight I will start a video diary of my experiences. They will probably be a little tongue-in-cheek.

So…wish me luck, Internets! I am going to try to apply things from what I’ve learned in recovery, first and foremost. I am also going to try very hard to take a deep breath before I speak, ever. I’m actually hoping that becomes a habit, because I should be doing it whether I’m smoking or not. I’ve bought lifesavers and gum and I plan to buy those flavored toothpicks. I have to disassociate all the millions of things I associate with smoking, too, and I think that really is the hardest part of quitting.

I plan to put the money aside each week that would have gone to a carton of cigarettes so that we can do something we both want with it if we keep this up for 6 months to a year.  That’s $45.00 a week! If the health reasons weren’t enough, this is a great bonus.

It is well past time to try this.