Sad and Beautiful World

40 Questions about 2007: An End-of-the-year meme

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
I got paid for my photography…did family portraits and sold prints as well as my first book of photos.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t make resolutions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Soooo many people, both in real life and in the blogging world.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My friend Sandy Crimmins, who I knew for 15 years, died suddenly over the summer. My Aunt Sarah died at 96 years old.

5. What countries did you visit?
Sadly, none.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
Money.

7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory?
Finishing my first 365 set on August 18th.
         
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Finishing my first 365 set.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not getting myself shopped around to galleries.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing major.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My refurbished Mac PowerBook G4 laptop (that was also mostly paid for as a birthday gift from Cecily, Charlie, Pete, and my father)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My daughter graduating elementary school.
         
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Everyone in the US Government.

14. Where did most of your money go?
What money?

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My 365 set, which is finally available as a book! I worked my butt off to get it together and ready by the end of this year. I'm really proud of it.
 

16. What song/album will always remind you of 2007?
I have no idea…I listen to a lot of stuff that is out-of-date.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder? Happier!
Thinner or fatter? Fatter!
Richer or poorer? About the same.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Hiking

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Procrastinated

20. How will you be spending/did you spend Christmas?
I spent Christmas with Charlie and Cecily and a small group of others as I always do, eating the most awesome cooking ever.

21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
I hate the phone, but I’m pretty sure that would be Cecily.

22. Did you fall in love in 2007?
Nope, already am in love.

23. How many one-night stands in this last year?
Hmm..maybe I’m too old for this meme? None!

24. What was your favorite TV program?
I shamelessly admit to loving American Idol.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don’t think so.

26. What was the best book(s) you read?
The Kite Runner
Bel Canto

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
??

28. What did you want and get?
My laptop!!

29. What did you want and not get?
A wide-angle lens, but to be fair, I only just decided I wanted that.

30. What were your favorite films of this year?
I did not get out to the movies very often this past year. And I have no recollection of what I saw!

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 38 on July 31st and I got my new laptop and I had dinner with my parents, husband, and daughter and ate cake.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Being able to afford health insurance.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
HAHAHAHAHA! Ahem. Heh. Ha. LOL! I never really had any fashion concept other than “comfortable” and now that I work from home it is even more relaxed. Jeans, slippers (or bare feet in the summer), tanks and sweatshirts.

34. What kept you sane?
My husband, though there were times when he was the cause of insanity as well. ;-)

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Fancy? Meaning really liked or more than that? Johnny Depp is my God.
That is all.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Health care.

37. Who did you miss?
My Grandma Fay

38. Who was the best new person you met?
John (blindspot1330 on Flickr)

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
It is never too late to start something new.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?
“Life is sad
Life is a bust
All ya can do is do what you must.
You do what you must do and ya do it well,
I'll do it for you, honey baby,
Can't you tell?”
--Bob Dylan

HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all!! I have a feeling 2008 is going to be an amazing year.

Gifts

I discovered Susan Palwick by accident, stumbling around in my local library looking for something new to read. I had no current recommendations and it is a rare occurrence that I just pick something out based on the cover and the blurbs and have it turn out good! The librarians set up display areas in various locations around the library based on either a timely theme or best sellers or their own personal favorites. It was in one of these displays (and I’m not sure what, if any, theme was holding the titles together) I saw the collection of short stories by Palwick, The Fate of Mice.

I picked it up and began reading the title story and found myself immediately drawn into it. I checked out the book and went home. I devoured those stories, marveling at how different they seemed to be on the surface while all touching upon the same themes that clearly meant a lot to the author. Love, loss, redemption, being a woman, the condition of our planet…but what struck me most was how these themes were woven so subtly into the texture of the stories when they so easily could have been clubbed over the reader’s head. That difference, for me, is the mark of a great writer over a good writer, a leap I haven’t made myself.

One of the stories, “Gestella,” left me a sobbing mess at the end because it moved me deeply, and it was about a werewolf (on the surface)! I was actually afraid to read further because I didn’t want to feel that sad again, but decided it was worth the risk because she made me feel.

As I always do after reading something I love, I sought out more work by the same author. The library only had one novel—her second—The Necessary Beggar. I read it in a few days and had that bittersweet experience of not wanting to put the book down yet not wanting to reach the end, either.

Susan Palwick is categorized as a Sci-Fi/Fantasy writer, and I suppose she fits the genre. In Beggar, at least, it doesn’t feel like a sci-fi book even though some remarkable things happen. It feels and is at its core, a story about family; about being a stranger in a new place; about heartache and heart; love and loss; hurt and redemption. But most of all, what came through to me was pure Christianity…a strange thing for me to say; being raised a non-religious Jewish girl. Maybe I shouldn’t even use the word “Christian” and say rather, “Love.” The story illustrated so clearly what ideal Brotherly Love should be—again, without shoving it down the reader’s throat. I wish I had the book still so I could quote some of the passages that had me stop in my tracks.

I’m not religious and I never have been; yet always I have longed for some sense of spirituality. Hope, really. Hope is what I longed for. I have sought spiritual well being. I find more and more of it since getting sober, but my faith in humanity is so easily called into question! It is so easy to stay cynical and bitter, and sad. And then I stumble upon someone like Susan Palwick.

You know how when you like an actor, for example, love their roles and talent, and then you see an interview with them somewhere and discover they are just as cool and wonderful as you thought? I get this sense of vindication, as if my ability to judge is sound, and I get a sense of relief. When the opposite happens, when I discover someone I thought was wonderful is actually a pretty awful person, I’m crushed.

Discovering that Susan Palwick had a blog, and then discovering more about her as I read through older entries, was like the former. She is an Episcopalian and a licensed lay preacher who volunteers as a chaplain in a local emergency room. Finding someone like her, who actually practices what she preaches, is a boost to my spirituality; it raises my faith in humanity once again. It is like receiving a gift.

Since e-mailing her we’ve had a few exchanges and found more in common. She is someone I will enjoy getting to know and recognize as one of those people that are brought into your life to teach you. I have a lot to learn from her, I am certain.

This, to me, is an apt entry to post for the holidays. Let us remember what gifts are most important this holiday season as we open up packages of clothes and games and electronic equipment. Let us remember the gifts of love and family and friendship we give and receive each day of the year, and let us promise to be more generous in the future.

All the best to you and yours this holiday season, and a very Happy New Year!

Holidaze

This past week was wonderfully busy, but also wore me down enough (because I tend to overdo things) so that I am now sick. Stuffy head, cough, sore throat, buried in snot kind of sick—totally worth it, though.

On Friday, Pete and I drove up to Hoboken, NJ and parked in a lot so we could take the PATH train across to Greenwich Village where we met up with his son Matt and Matt’s girlfriend Louise. We had lunch while they told us of their adventures thus far. They loved NY but it was much bigger and overwhelming than anything could have prepared them for. They had lots of plans, but kept getting sidetracked as they walked around. They seemed to be drawn back to Times Square over and over again like a powerful magnet. They did see The Little Mermaid on Broadway and went to the Natural History Museum and the Planetarium. The rain and snow on Thursday prevented them from ice-skating in Central Park, but they didn’t seem too disappointed. It was cold on Friday, but sunny, so after lunch we walked around the Village for a while then headed south. We managed to walk all the way to the South Street Seaport so we could view the Brooklyn Bridge, and then made our way up into Fulton Square where we stopped to get warm with some hot beverages.

 

We continued walking after that up through Little Italy and SoHo and back into the Village where we found a great little Italian restaurant for dinner before heading to the PATH train and then home. My set of NY photos, which are still being added to, can be viewed here.

On Saturday I took them to discover the wonders of Target, but I ended up buying much more than they did! Saturday night we went over to Cecily and Charlie’s for their annual tree decorating, which was lovely. Matt and Louise felt very comfortable and remarked how welcoming Cecily and Charlie and their home is. On Sunday we went into Philadelphia to the shops at Liberty Place because they were supposed to be doing Christmas shopping. Again, I bought far more than they did. Sunday was also my daughter’s twelfth birthday, so that evening we went to my parents’ house for dinner where her father and his girlfriend joined us. My parents and I had conspired to get her the i-Pod Nano she so desperately wanted—my father getting the actual Nano and Pete and I supplying cases and a portable dock/alarm clock/player. She had figured it out already, but she was extremely happy. My daughter is TWELVE, people. Yikes.

Monday was their last day here. We took them into the city again, stopping by my friend Lee’s studio as I had to drop off a CD of portrait photos he had bought, and then giving them a brief driving tour that ended with getting cheese steaks at Geno’s in South Philly—a must to give them the true Philly experience. We came back home for a bit and I was going to take them back out for one more local shopping excursion, but by then my throat had started to close up and exhaustion was setting in. I asked if they would be terribly sad for us to skip it and they agreed. We all sank into the couches and started falling asleep until my daughter came home from her after-school play rehearsal (she is a Chinese Soldier in the school production of Mulan). We took them to the airport that evening and said our good-byes. It had been over two years since Pete had seen any member of his family since we have not been able to afford a trip to England, so it was a teary one. I am going to do everything in my power to make sure we get a trip over there before this time next year.

I did start working on my 365 book again, and then got busy with the kids visiting, but I’m going back to it this week and should really and truly be finished and ready to unveil it before New Year’s. Really. Truly. I swear.

I mentioned an author I wanted to write about, but I want her to have her own post, so tomorrow or the next day will be dedicated to Susan Palwick. I already wrote her a gushing e-mail after discovering her blog and realizing I could write her such an e-mail and am only slightly embarrassed that she might actually come over here to see what I write about her, since I told her I would be.

"Time is a jet plane, it moves too fast"*

Oh my. I didn’t mean to go this long without blogging again. And so this will be an all over the place kind of post.

Kiddo: She’s possibly back with the boy again, though it is hard to be sure. They are keeping it a secret, according to her, to avoid rumormongers. I give it two days, maximum. Her birthday is this Sunday and she is turning TWELVE years old. Holy shit, how in the hell did I become a mother to a twelve-year-old?! Time is flying, and I’m not even having that much fun!
    She was in her choral concert last night and had her own little entourage in attendance—my parents, Pete and myself, her father and his girlfriend, as well as Cecily, Charlie, and Tori. Little Tori did amazingly well considering it was really her bedtime and she couldn’t really understand why my daughter wouldn’t stay with her.   

Photography: I’m enjoying creating self-portraits more than ever, which astounds me. There was a little while there when I thought I might have been crazy to start a second year of daily ones, but having to take on every day really works to force my creativity. I keep raising the bar for myself and when I create a self-portrait I love it feels fantastic…and I love them more often.
    I did another paid family photo session with an old college friend, his fiancée, and their newborn daughter this past Sunday. It was really relaxed and a fun atmosphere, and their daughter cooperated tremendously well, allowing me to get some phenomenal shots of her giggling and laughing, naked on her baby blanket. Most importantly, the parents loved them. I enjoyed doing it and now I am confidant enough to not only feel as if this is the kind of paid photography work I could enjoy, but the kind of work I can do well.
    And I’m still not done my 365 book…and haven’t worked on it much because I’ve been so busy.
    Last weekend my friend Siobhan came with me for an outing to Mount Moriah Cemetery, one of the oldest cemeteries in Philadelphia but one that has suffered from neglect and abuse. The vast majority of it is overgrown and crumbling. It was a great place to take photos, however, and I even got naked for a self-portrait. I started a set for the photos on Flickr, but am uploading them slowly so check back for more!

Family: Pete’s middle child, Matt, is here visiting! He and his girlfriend decided they wanted to do the whole “Christmastime in New York” thing and were nice enough to include us as their home base. They arrived Monday and then yesterday we drove them to Princeton so they could take NJ Transit to NYC, where they will spend time doing touristy things until Friday. We’re going to go meet them on Friday to hang out for a few hours before driving them back home with us. They stay through the weekend and go back this Monday. It is nice to have them here. I spent yesterday morning helping Matt’s girlfriend Louise build a contraption to block light for her new (old) Duaflex II so she can try the TTV thing. She loved what I was doing with them after seeing mine on Flickr!

Other: Cecily and Charlie took Pete and I and the kiddo to a surprise event on Friday night…we didn’t know what until we got there. It was a community theater’s production of “A Christmas Story,” one of my favorite movies. I was a little nervous at first, because it is one of my favorite movies, but the group did a really nice job. The narrator was excellent, and he carries the show with over 600 lines. It was a fun night.

That’s all for now, I think! Next up I’m going to write about an author I recently discovered and fell in love with, and in searching for information about one of her books online I found she has a blog too!

*I totally used this exact same lyric as a title just over two years ago. And I don't care.

"Love is an ocean that I can't forget"

It’s been snowing off and on today, sometimes with those really big, sticky white flakes. So around noon I thought, “I must go outside to take my photo.”

I often have an idea that has to wait to be realized because of circumstances, such as the fact that I assume nudity is illegal in the park down the road (hence the self-portrait I see in my head of me standing on a rock in the creek, in the sun, with my angel wings on, has to wait).

I’m a bit obsessed with the wing theme. It’s an angel obsession, really, and I have a hard time explaining it since I grew up with essentially no religion and the little I did have was Jewish. We don’t really do angels. I chalk it up to the same reasons that my Christian friends growing up who said prayers before bed fascinated me. I wanted that sort of comforting presence in my life. At a very young age I was looking for ways to “prove” there was some sort of force surrounding me; guiding me.

It’s funny, just the other night my daughter mentioned the little rainbow-ish ‘floaters’ that appear if you stare into dead space in a dark room. I was fascinated by them, and convinced myself that they were fairies. I told her that and she didn’t even think it was weird, for a change. If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, however, you may very well think I’m weird.

Since taking self-portraits, that obsession with angels has resurfaced, only now I tend to use it as a metaphor for our human frailties (and I do not mean that in a bad way), and our need for comfort yet not always knowing where to look. I create many of the images as “fallen” or anguished angels…angels who no longer know how to take care of us in this world; angels who find this world heartbreaking.

Today I saw the snow and thought of my white wings and I knew I had to get out there, no matter how cold it was and no matter if my camera might get damp. I put on a white dress with a jacket over it. I set up the tripod with the camera on it, settings ready, remote attached and brought them and a towel in one hand, my wings in the other, into my backyard. 

The snow didn’t cooperate as I had hoped…the flakes turned almost invisible for exactly the amount of time I was outside. When I came back in, shivering, and got dressed, I saw the big fat flakes had returned. I was annoyed, but not enough to go through everything again to go re-shoot. Instead I worked with what I had, layering other images of snow and old daguerreotypes to create textured, and painterly images. I worked on three and I really love how they came out. I’ll likely post the other two within the week on Flickr.

Something about this particular image, however, struck me as different than my previous ‘angel’ images.

It seems hopeful.

A friend indeed...

This weekend I had my first paid photography gig! Cecily had asked me to take photos at a baby shower several weeks back, and the woman for whom the shower was held, Liana,  liked my pictures enough to ask me to take her family portraits for holiday cards!

This is something I can do…not quite as much pressure as a wedding, and far less time commitment. I was really nervous about how the photos would come out, but they look very good and professional, if I dare say. I hope they like them! It was a great first shoot…lovely family and gorgeous baby—pretty hard to take a bad photo. A college friend just had his first child with his fiancée and asked me to take their holiday portraits as well, so I’m feeling a nice boost. If I could do this sort of thing once a month or so at least, the extra cash would really help out and make me feel better about pursuing the artistic (i.e., that which makes no money) photography.

In other news, the kid already ended things with the boyfriend. There was much drama with him of course telling everyone that HE broke up with HER, and then her best friend seeking some sort of revenge, but things ended well. Eventually. I’m still concerned about this best friend monopolizing all her time, but more than that, this friend has a lot of issues and some violent tendencies that are starting to make me more and more nervous. I feel badly for the girl because my daughter seems to be the one of the few who can tolerate her. She has no father around and her mom is a wreck. They see each other less this year since they aren’t in the same group of classes, but they are still interlocked pretty tightly. I’ve been doing some gentle nudging to the kiddo in a direction away from this girl, but I think I have to nudge a little harder. Just a little.

Anyone have any issues like this? I am open to advice!