Tequila Con if you Can Can

In two days I’ll be in New York City getting ready to meet up with a bunch of bloggers. There’s only one whom I’ve ‘known’ through blogging for any significant amount of time and this whole thing is worth it to me just to get a chance to hug this woman.

There are also a few that are newer to me, but whose writing I love and admire and am really looking forward to meeting and chatting with in real life.

Then there are the bulk of them whose blogs I’ve frantically been perusing the past week or so to get to know them a bit. It has been a truly wonderful experience to discover these new gems. This blogging thing really is a full time job.

My Aunt is accompanying me as well, now that she is a blogger, and I’ve pressured, I mean invited, Michele and Tobyjoe to come along as well. So I have one relative, one woman I feel very connected to, and two friends I’ve met once in real life, plus a whole lot of other folks.

How does this make me feel? For one thing I’m irritated already at how many times I’ve typed the words “blogger” and "blogging" in this post.

I also find it fascinating and exciting and yes, a bit nerve-wracking in that “I’m socially retarded” kind of way. A few of the attendees have written similar posts alluding to their general feeling of unease in large groups. I can relate.

This got me thinking about how I handle myself in these sorts of situations.

Back when I was drinking it was easy…I just drank and drank and drank, and then drank some more, and eventually I was telling everyone the meaning of life, the universe, and everything, then telling them how sad and depressed I was, and ultimately curling up on a nice piece of pavement outside in a doorway or alley lifting my head every so often to vomit.

Ahem.

When I first got sober, meeting new people was more terrifying to me than the thought of jumping out of an airplane at 15,000 feet.

Thankfully, it has gotten easier. The more comfortable I’ve become in my own skin—with who I am—the more relaxed I’m able to be around others. I still get nervous and still often hear that voice in my head that says, “You are an idiot. Everyone here thinks you are an idiot. Oh, and ugly too.”

Most of the time I can ignore this voice, but there are times when I am feeling low about something else, or am exceptionally hormonal, or the stars aren’t aligned just right, and I sulk out of the party or event feeling worse. I think we all struggle with these voices.

I have discovered that generally I overcompensate for any nerves by talking too much. This can be endearing up to a point, but eventually I think my companions are probably thinking, “Does she ever shut the fuck up?”

So how do you usually handle yourself in groups? In meeting new people?

The INFO--EVERYONE is welcome, folks

New York City
April 22, 2006
7:00pm –until they kick us out.

Stout NYC

133 W. 33rd St.

New York NY

Between Sixth and Seventh Aves.
212-629-6191

Comments

[Heatherg]

Gawd, I wish i lived even 2 states away!

I sooooo wish i could meet you!

I'm easy going and talk to much anyway. Meeting people has never been an issue for me. I bet you will be comfy, and fit right in!

Lets just be friends til '07, and then maybe i can make it next year!

[scott]

I hope you all have lots of fun.

How do I handle myself in large groups? (I could make a crude joke, but I won't, though I will allude to it, which is almost as bad.) I just joke and joke and joke and joke until people begin to wonder if I lost some sort of medication on the trip in or something. I use humor to hide the awful, horrible, hellish pain that is my life.

Just kidding.

Hello, Sarah.

[Noelle]

Wishing I could be there. That's the one thing I hate about living in Seattle... it's so damn far away from all the fun cities. (Seriously, Portland? Not exciting.)

And I feel the same way you do about big crowds of people I don't know. It's my worst nightmare, really. I try to be quiet, because otherwise I babble on and on like an idiot. Of course then people think I'm unfriendly (when I'm quiet.) I can't win and frankly, if it's a crowd of more than 10 people, I try to duck out early or avoid it entirely.

So that contained no advice or words of wisdom, but at least you know you're not alone. Hope you have a good time! (And no need to worry, you'll have people with you that you know. It makes all the difference.)

[Chickie]

I too am socially retarded. In groups I either get diarrhea of the mouth, drink too much or don't say hardly anything and hide in the bathroom a lot.

It's good that you're going with people you know! Have fun!

[Ed]

Handling it is easier said than done. Like you I used to overdrink but now, I've got pharmacuticals. I have a disability, a mental illness, called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). There's a TV show, Monk, that deals with it, and quite well. It's an anxiety disorder, which pretty much sums up my life.

The OCD makes me a very direct, intense, and concrete person. I have a very strong tendencity to not only put people off but also to scare them. That usually happens because they are listening to the affectation and not the content of what I am saying. Can't change that, people are going to do what they're going to do.

The ones that are not offended or running away in terror usually find I'm not a bad guy at all. that I'm even interesting, funny, and somewhat intelligent. And they usually turn out to be the same. Friendships develope and I can talk openly and freely with them. Not a bad payoff.

As I get older, I have started to discover that I really don't care what people think of me. I know who I am and what is important to me in life and I don't need others to validate it, but when they do it's nice.

My advice to you, just be who you are, be authentic. My dad used to say that if you tell a lie you always have to struggle to remember what you said to who. If you tell the truth, your always saying the same thing, the same story.

In closing this long and verbose comment I'll leave you with a quote from one of my philosophical heroes, "I am what I am, and that's all that I am...toot-toot" POPEYE, The Sailor Man.

[Shara]

Hey Sarah - I'm really bummed - this is the one weekend we'll be out of town!

A little cheerleading for you: The people who read your blog are looking forward to meeting you - they already think you're smart and funny and pretty and all that good stuff, you know? Tell the meany voices to go make somebody else insecure.

I like small groups best, or a large group with enough room to mingle. I'm a chatter and will ask you a ton of questions and tell you a million silly stories. My way of working past social insecurity is to ask people questions I would like to be asked and to be genuinely interested in what they have to say. I tend to feel like I've got nothing to lose - chances are I won't see most of who I meet ever again unless I want to.

Also smiling - I'm over 6 feet tall and have a huge smile - I don't know if my big, looming goofy grin puts people at ease (which puts me at ease) or frightens them (which also puts me at ease), but it does it's job. :D

[scott]

Sarah and Shara. Ha! Anagrams. Shara is also how Sean Connery would pronounce Sarah.

Hello again.

[Sheri]

omg I would love to get my husband to drive me to NYC this weekend! I've never been and it's only 6 hours away.

I'll be there in spirit and if I can talk him into it....maybe I'll see you there!

[Leggy]

Why oh why is my social life pathetic for months on end, and then there are 2 social events on the same night, in 2 different cities? Give Jessica a hug for me as well.

[Coral]

Oh, yes, I make myself sick of me, when I talk and talk with nerves. I really want to curl up and die when I realise I do it. Funnily enough I make people laugh and they all hang on my words, but inside I am creeping!! I remember when I first met the 'in-laws', Ian had to work night shift, and I chatted the hind leg off a donkey, I exhausted them and me. They must have been horrified! Anyway, they like me lots now, so that don't matter no more!! love and hugs

[SandyC]

Well, you've seen me at social events -- unable to remember anyone's name -- not even my own sometimes. Sad.

[Shelli]

I linked to you and Jessica and Brando in my post yesterday. I wish I could go.

In large groups, I am outgoing and talk a lot after I scope out the situation. When I get home, however, The Voice kicks in. It starts repeating every single thing I have said and telling me how stupid I was for one reason or another. I wish it would just shut the fuck up sometimes. Ugh!

Have fun and think of me.;)

[Janis]

Sarah
I know exactly how you feel. When I was drinking I could talk to anyone (if they would listen) When I got sober things changed. I found I had a hard time talking to my neighbor who I had lived next to for 15 years. I am now about to start an A.A. meeting at our local jail. I am scared to death! What if they think I'm stupid. What if they "know" how scared I am. I know in my mind that after I've done it a few times it will get easier, but in the mean time...

[jg]

Sarah. Thanks for dropping by my blog, commenting and for linking to me. :) I just read some of your posts - including a few in your motherhood category - and I'm looking forward to meeting you tomorrow night!

[kerri anne]

Have fun Sar! (Am jealous, of course, but mostly just happy! for you and) Can't wait for the stories, and the pictures. : ) Smooches.

[Neil]

Hope you have a lot of fun!

[Cecily]

You'll have a blast, and they'll all love you. For god's sake.

And someday, I will probably forgive you for going to these things without me.

:)

[Alison]

Hi Sarah,

Have a great time in NY, sounds like it will be a great crowd! And how could they not love you?

Me, I get totally nerve racked in front of new crowds - I blush, I stutter, I shake. Fortunately, some lovely people in this world don't seem to mind and eventually I relax. And I know there will be many like minded wonderful people for you to meet tomorrow. Enjoy, and I can't wait to read all about it!

[Closet Metro]

I wish I could be there. (And you are neither an idior nor ugly.) Say "Hi" to Brandon, Michele, and Tobyjoe for me.

[jenny]

well, you certainly worked the room like a pro last night, so I don't know who you think you're fooling! So, so great to meet you and your aunt (who is my new hero) - it was so much fun! :)

[Neil]

I hear you worked the room like a pro! But a pro what?

[Tracy Helgeson]

Hi Sarah, I am sure you will have (or have had, as it is now Sunday) a great time. I sometimes long for the old days of drinking to be social. I was able to talk to anyone about anything. Well, it was fine unless I got to the vomiting part, anyway. Now I tend to babble when talking to almost anyone and after almost every social interaction I spend hours second guessing everything I said. From the comments here, I am glad to know that I am not alone in feeling completely socially inept!

[Dustin]

Your column was hard. All I had down was "knows Barbara." You were the first one who recognized me when I walked in though and that made me feel like a million bucks! Thanks.

[Jill]

Yours was the first face I recognized when I came out of the bathroom and saw that foreboding table full of people I didn't know on high stools!!! It was great to meet you and you are darling! Thanks for taking all those photos. I sure hope you'll delete all the ones in which I'm making weird faces.